kristin has been a bad kristin
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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