So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
