Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
