32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
