The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
