My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My vagina just clenched in fear
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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