Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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