WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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