I'm so fucking centered right now
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She needs sedatives and a leash
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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