STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
