last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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