We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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