Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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