Betty ford says i'm here all night
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
