At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
