i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They are going to name an STD after you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
