he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
