I think I died a long time ago.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
