i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
