Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
