I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
