was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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