I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
