I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
