At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
