we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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