You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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