I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
