My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Semen is not good for contacts.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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