"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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