How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
