There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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