this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
its liver damage thursday
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
