Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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