Heybabeimwearingurpanties
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
