my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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