Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
