How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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