And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
