Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He better not be in your backpack
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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