did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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