Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
