Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
