that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
