You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I wish my penis had an off switch
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
