..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
