My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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