I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
