Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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