Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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