Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
