Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
