The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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