i love accidental penises.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i drank out of a bidet.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
